Rochelle Trail, a psychologist and advocate for single mothers by choice, has dedicated years to researching the unique experiences of women who embark on the journey of solo parenthood through donor conception. In this exclusive interview, Rochelle shares insights from her research on early contact with donors and donor siblings, as well as her personal experiences as a Choice Mum. She also discusses the evolving landscape of donor conception in New Zealand and the importance of support networks for those navigating this path.

We sat down with Rochelle to discuss her research and more.

Q: Fertility NZ:

Rochelle, you have been running the Fertility NZ Single Mother’s by Choice group since 2016, you are Single Mother by Choice herself and a psychologist with a special interest in donor conception. You’ve also conducted some research on the experience of Single Mother’s by Choice in NZ, can you tell us more about your research?

A: Rochelle:

Yes that’s right. I did a research project in my Honours year on the experience of being a Single Mother by Choice (Choice Mothers) in the NZ context. I also wrote an article, an abbreviated version of the research, for the NZ Journal of Psychology. It illuminated some of the unique features of life as a Choice Mother in NZ. This research also helped inform the research for my Masters year on early contact made by Choice Mothers with their sperm donors or with donor siblings.

Q: Fertility NZ:

I understand that you were supervised by Sonja Goedeke, a Fertility NZ Board Advisor and that she has a special interest in fertility and donor conception.

A: Rochelle:

Yes that’s right. Sonja is a very prominent advocate in this space and also a supporter of getting research published so that it is accessible for public consumption. She was the co-author of the journal article and also the co-author of my second piece of research which was published as a chapter in the book Reproductive Citizenship, Health, Technology and Society, edited by Rhonda Shaw.

Q: Fertility NZ:

Can you tell us a bit more about this research and exactly what is meant by “early contact”?

A: Rochelle:

We defined early contact as contact with their donor or donor siblings, made by recipient parents prior to their child turning 18. We are very fortunate in New Zealand that contact is able to be facilitated between recipient parents (RP’s) and donors directly.

Q: Fertility NZ:

Is this not always available internationally then?

A: Rochelle:

Not generally. It is interesting to understand a little bit about donor conception and the legislative context in NZ. In NZ all donors must be open-identity which means that when the donor conceived person (DCP) is 18, or sooner if requested and consent given, they are able to access identifiable information about the donor. So that might include their name and contact details.

This varies internationally, with some countries having similar legislation to NZ and others having complete anonymity for donors. Of course with the relatively recent availability of genetic testing in many countries, there is more accessibility to donors than previously, for many DCPs regardless of the legislation.

In NZ, once the recipient parent gives birth, they are able to access the donor’s identifiable details either through the fertility clinic or through Births, Deaths and Marriages. The cultural importance placed on whakapapa (genealogy) in Māori culture has helped inform the legislation in the NZ context.

Q: Fertility NZ:

It seems based on media reports that if you are single, donor conception is becoming a more popular way to create a family. Is the number of single women accessing sperm donors increasing?

A: Rochelle:

The data from this research is a bit dated now as the research took place in 2018, but it was found that number of single women undertaking donor conception had almost doubled over a three year period between 2012 and 2015. And that by 2018, of the people using donor sperm in a fertility clinic, over half were single women.

Q: Fertility NZ:

How did these women go about making contact with donors or the donor siblings?

A: Rochelle:

Of the women that I had interviewed, four had used clinic donors and two had used private donors via online sites. For the four women who had used clinic donors, they all accessed information via the fertility clinic. Their experiences varied but most of them had found the process lengthy and complicated and found that the level of communication between them, the clinic and the donor was not managed as well as they hoped.

Q: Fertility NZ:

How was it for the women who had used private donors rather than a clinic donor?

A: Rochelle:

Of the women who had used private donors, both remained in contact with their donor and often with donor sibling families once their babies had been born. Interestingly, as a means to navigate this relationship, one of the women ensured that the majority of her contact was with the sperm donor’s wife and she used the term “the sperm parents” to reflect this inclusivity.

Q: Fertility NZ:

What were the sorts of things that came out of your research that may be of interest to those working with Choice Mothers or contemplating being a Choice Mother themselves?

A: Rochelle:

A thematic analysis was used which means that common themes were discovered throughout these women’s stories and these included: the importance of donor contact for identify formation; the need for clear expectations and boundaries; flexible family constructs; and disclosure as an ongoing and challenging process.

So what that means is that the women interviewed recognised that contact with the donor or donor siblings can help with the DCP’s identify formation and that this is likely to be important prior to the age of 18. This has also been supported by research. Furthermore establishing boundaries in relation to contact, what does this look like, how often, etc, is important but potentially tricky to navigate. Understanding who is family and what labels do we use to define these roles can be difficult with more complex family formation. And finally, how to talk to children at various ages and stages of development and then giving them the vocabulary as to how they share that information is an ongoing conversation.

Another thing of note, is that some of the women referred to letting the child guide the process. This meant that as a recipient parent they wanted to initiate contact with the donor, but they wanted to gauge their child’s interest prior to deciding whether or not to meet. Many adult DCP’s believe that this process should be adult led, much as it would be if you were introducing your child to an Aunty or Uncle. The thinking is that this process would not ordinarily be guided by the child’s interest in meeting other family members, so why would you expect them to make this decision in this instance?

Q: Fertility NZ:

What sort of recommendations would you make based on the findings of your research?

A: Rochelle:

It was suggested that NZ may benefit from an independent regulatory body such as VARTA (Victoria Assisted Reproductive Treatment Authority) in Victoria, Australia. They could offer donor-linking services and other support and counselling for all parties navigating this path. This would remove the burden of providing this service from the fertility clinics which appear to have been under resourced in this area.

Furthermore, the findings of the NZ Law commission supported educational programmes or counselling sessions for recipient parents to fully understand how best to support their donor conceived children, recommendations around disclosure and options for making contact. And importantly, that this be done in conjunction with donor-conceived people themselves in order to ensure that their voices are head to determine the process and legislation that directly impact them.

Q: Fertility NZ:

Thank you, Rochelle, for taking the time to talk to us about your research. If someone is embarking on this journey and wants to join your support group, how can they get in touch with you?

A: Rochelle:

We have a private Facebook group. Click here to join; questions and T&Cs apply. We meet monthly and alternate between meeting in-person and online.

Click here to read Rochelle’s inspiring journey to becoming a Choice Mum.

The full article, The Experience of Single Mothers by Choice: Making Early Contact with Open-Identity or Private Sperm Donors and/or Donor Sibling Families in New Zealand, by Rochelle Trail and Sonja Goedeke, can be purchased here.